… deal with sour Lemonade & Becky!

I’m sure you have seen (or at least hear) of Beyoncé’s new “visual album” called Lemonade and all of the craziness with the “Becky with the good hair.”  If you’re still mourning Prince (the struggle is still real, right?) and haven’t been payin’ attention to  Mrs. Carter, she sang some lyrics leading many to piece together some of her rumored marital issues, including cheating, with her husband, Jay-Z.  After the whole elevator incident with Solange, everyone knew something was going on, but this album is shedding a lot of light on the private matters of the Carters.  Normally, I hear these kinds of stories, take a whopping 5 seconds to think about it and then keep it moving, but with literally EVERYONE I know talking about this whole cheating scandal, I started thinking about the whole situation.  So this week I want to talk about cheating, those Becky girls, and protecting you heart!

This wasn’t my ideal topic to talk about in my blog because cheating and side chicks are so glamourized in our society (think Fitz & Olivia on Scandal, Mary Jane Paul from Being Mary Jane, and now Lemonade), but there are so many real relationships being affected by cheating.  As a person who has unfortunately dealt with an asshole  immature boy who cheated on me, I learned quickly that I had a couple choices: 1- I could be like Beyoncé, handle it privately and have the squad go in on him for me (aka the elevator scene) or 2- I could pretend that I was Bernadette in the Waiting to Exhale sequel and get revenge.  As a 20-something and still trying to figure out my life in LA, I chose option 1 and dealt with things privately and gave Mr. Immature his pink slip immediately.  After that ordeal, I’ve made it VERY clear to the men who I date that if cheating is even a thought for a second, then I’d rather he break up with me and do what he’s gotta do.  The pain, insecurity, lack of trust that followed after the cheating scandal really turned my life upside down for a few weeks and had sadly made some of my relationships after rough ones.  It was like the lyrics of the song Damaged by Danity Kane… “I really wanna be your lady, but the one before you left me so damaged.”  That was it in a nutshell; I am  was damaged.  Now clearly not every person dealing with a personal cheating scandal doesn’t have the ability to make a quick choice like I did because everyone’s circumstances are different.  Children (fur babies included), marriages, homes, business venture, etc. can all be huge factors in making a decision to end a relationship.  I honestly can’t give advice on what anyone should do in their personal situation because they have to do some major soul searching to make a decision that’s right for them, but I can offer something to the friends and family members who may be supporting the person trying to make a tough decision. Please lend support to the these people, not hard hitting opinions of shoulda, coulda, wouldas.  Of course, advice maybe asked for and you can give it, but be supportive of that person no matter what they ultimately choose to do.  I’ve seen friendships end and family relationships strained because of strong opinions of what “should have been done.” Being supportive and understanding is the best advice you can give to anyone going through a situation like this.

Oh Becky…

Now for Becky… this girl with the good hair has add drama to relationship for years.  In my eyes there are two types of Beckys. The first type isn’t trying to steal your man; these girls are lied to and told a story that puts her in a bad situation she didn’t sign up for.  The other is plain and simple, the side chick!  These Beckys are the girls who dgaf about what you and your man got going on and will fight for a man who isn’t her in the first place (think Leanne Rimes).  Even though it’s importance to know the difference between these two types of women, I swear I always see the person getting cheated on take issues up with Becky instead of her low-down cheating ass bae.  My questions is… why?  The real issue isn’t with Becky, it’s with the relationship.  When I was dealing with my cheating drama, I was furious that another girl would dare to interject herself into my “relationship” (I use that term soo loosely), but I soon realized that this guy had done more damage to me than she ever could.  Don’t get me wrong, I had some strong words for my Becky, but I never lost sight that this man boy had embarrassed me and treated me less than I deserved. Even though Beyoncé glamorized her Becky in Lemonade, we, as women, need to remember the priority when it comes to cheating and it’s not the other women whether she’s Becky #1 or Becky #2.  I know that all of you Curvy Girls reading this blog are strong, fierce, and a force to reckoned with, but you have to remember that for yourself.

The whole point of this blog wasn’t to put my personal business out for the world to see or to promote Lemonade, it was to remind you that you are beautiful women who can get through cheating scandals just like Beyoncé and I did.  We clearly chose different ways to deal with it, but at the end we chose what was best for our situations at the end of the day! I really hope that none of you ladies have to deal with this kinda of crap, but if you unfortunately do, I pray that you will have the support, strength, and respect for yourself to do what is best for you.

xoxo,

M

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