With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it took me a little while to figure out what I wanted to write this week because I didn’t want to give you a bunch of sexy stuff to do with your boo (you can read my Inner Victoria Secret Model post for that) or how to throw a fun Galentine’s Day extravaganza with your besties. When a good friend ended up posting a Huffington Post article on her FB about how Getting Married is Not an Accomplishment, I knew exactly what to write about for my fellow single ladies… Stopping the horrible mind game of finding a husband! As a Midwest girl, I’m literally 1 of my 2 dozen friends who is not married or even seriously dating anyone. I was taught early that marriage was an important part of adult life that was really amazing when you found the right partner, so as you can imagine, marriage has always been a HUGE deal to me. I’m definitely the girl who has had her wedding planned since she was 5 years old, has the bridesmaids picked out, and even a dress (I worked in a wedding dress shop throughout college, so I had lots of time to think about it). It might be the weirdo Event Planner in me that loves to plan things, but also, it could be that I was taught that marriage would happen once I accomplished my goals. Well as a 32 year old single lady, who has two degrees, has had fabulous jobs, and has come a long way to achieve amazing thing beyond my wildest dreams, I’ve been wondering “when is it going to happen for me?” Now, I know that I’m not the only one wondering the same thing (that’s a main topic when I brunch with my single friends), but it’s super difficult to manage the impatience of waiting. The non-stop wedding invites had stopped finally and have been replaces with the non-stop baby shower invitations and has made it super easy for me to feel left behind or out of what’s going on with the majority of your friends. Of course, I’m happy for my girls who have had beautiful weddings and adorable kids, but I’m human. So, this week instead of focusing on the love you have with #bae, I wanted to focus on the most important love we can have: Self Love!
I think the one thing that I really put an emphasis on early this year was manifesting my husband. From every kind of dating site to going out more, I felt like I was on the right track to find “the one”, but I spent more time in January annoyed, upset, and frustrated that it hadn’t happened. It’s definitely a great idea to put energy toward finding a healthy relationship that can lead to marriage, but I went way overboard and discovered that I was exhausting myself trying every single thing to get to this goal. Why stress myself out or make myself crazy looking for #bae? Over the last couple weeks, I’ve deleted many of those dating apps, took a break from going out, and did some soul searching. Why was I putting so much pressure on myself to get married? Did I want a real marriage or just a wedding? What’s most important; being in a forced marriage with someone who might not be right or dating someone for the long haul who I adore and know I’ll be happy with for a long time? I really had to take some time and think about all these things. I figure out that I did want to get married and have a family with this man at some point, but I’m also ok with being in a committed relationship that might not lead to marriage immediately. In the meantime of me casually looking for Mr. Right (they say you find someone when you least expect it), I’ve decided to stop being upset that it hasn’t happened and focus on all the AMAZING things about myself that make me a good catch!
I am a sexy, smart, confident, competent, strong, and loving woman that would be an amazing wife and mother. And before I hear a “isn’t she cocky,” comment, I’m not being cocky or too self assured. It’s about knowing what I can bring to a relationship when Mr. Right does comes along and LOVING those things while I wait. Why not celebrate the fact that I have received two degrees before I was 25? Or the fact that I moved across country by myself to follow my dreams. I sometimes forget all of the amazing things I’ve done in my life because I’m so busy with work, volunteering, or just trying to keep up with my friends that I don’t see often. Being able to reflect on all the good things about your personality or life is never a bad thing because it shows how far you’ve come and helps you to see where you want to go to next. And let’s just throw this out there, I’ve never heard of a man saying “I love when a woman has no goals or hasn’t achieved anything in her life! Aren’t women with no drive or ability to be successful sexy?” Yea, you’ve never heard it either! The point I’m trying to get at is that loving yourself and seeing how incredible of a person you are will prepare you for so many things in life, including a husband. It took a LONG time for me to see that, but now that I have, I’m in a better mindset for when I do get married one day.
I’m sure this wasn’t what you were expecting before Valentine’s Day, but I felt like there are lot of Curvy Girls who needed to hear that and see that they aren’t alone in the “when is marriage going to happen for me” mind set. If you take one thing away from this post, please know that the best love is self love and that celebrating all that you’ve done in your life will ultimately make you the most attractive women in the room! I hope you all have a fabulous Valentine’s Day!