Ok, Curvy Girls, I have a confession to make… I
hate dislike online dating! Seriously, it’s a crazy maze of searching and dealing with men who have agendas, lack personality, or are too desperate for their own good. Now I’m not saying every man is like this on these sites because I have had success with online dating, but it’s definitely frustrating weeding through dozens hundreds of men to get one good guy. I’ve joined several different online dating communities over the last 4-5 years, on & off, because I over the bar scene & don’t have a ton of time to actually meet men out and about. The variety of sites/apps is mind-boggling to me; from religious based sites like J-Date and Christian Mingle to the easy swiping types like Bumble & Tinder, it’s really easy to get caught up in all the buzz. I normally take recommendations from my friends on where they’re online dating and finding success! Right now, I’ve opted to try a mix of traditional websites (eHarmony), swiping apps (Bumble & Hinge), and IRL apps (Happn); it’s a good range from really serious matches who are ready to walk down the aisle tomorrow to the guys who are ready to casually date. This mix, for me, is great because it gives me variety of men. The most important thing to understand before you start bogging down your phone with dating apps, is really think about what you want and are looking for in a mate. Do you want a serious relationship that can lead to marriage sooner than later, or are you looking got a guy to hang out with on the weekend casually? Once you figure it out, that will help you pick the apps to download. For example, I’m looking for something on the more serious side that could potentially grow into marriage, so I am generally staying away from some of the apps that seem to lead more to ‘hooking up’. Knowing what you’re looking for in a relationship will also help you with your dating profile! To me, that little profile is one of the most nerve-racking parts of online dating, but is really the most important since it’s your first impression to potential matches! So that’s this week’s topic… how to slay at your dating profile!
Per usual, remember that I am not an expert online dating (I told ya I’m not a big fan of it), but I’ve been around the block a time or two to see what works and doesn’t from my experience. Let’s get into the details of what I’ve learned that will help you get the right men looking at your profile!
5 Tips to Slaying Your Online Dating Profile
Hopefully you know the basics of posting pictures… make sure the pictures are current, not all selfies, and of course, are actually YOU! Sadly, I have to say this because catfishing is too real in our society in this day & age and that’s just not cute! If you want a real relationship, serious or casual, you gotta be your true, authentic self, Ladies! Ok, my first tip is don’t play that game where you’re with a bunch of your girlfriends in the picture and the guy is hunting to figure out which one you are. Sure, a picture with you and a (as in 1) friend is ok (be sure that she’s cool with being in it), but it annoys me when guys do it and every pic they post is of a group. It makes it appear that you’re not confident and I KNOW that’s not true! Another tip is, post a full length pic. This really does give a man an idea of what you look like. When you only post tight, waist up pics, it seems like you’re hiding something and again, not confident. You want to show off that you’re a sexy, confident woman, not a woman who is ashamed of something. The last tip I have with pictures is don’t get all crazy with the sexy pics. If there’s a modest pic with cleavage, that’s totally fine, but if you’re wearing something that is too revealing it could be a turn off or give the wrong impression. The last thing you want to do is post a pic that’s the opposite of what you’re dating intention is (remember we have to know what we’re looking for). Now if you’re down with the get down and are looking for that kinda thing (hey nothing wrong with that at all!) then be a little sexier, but if you’re looking for #bae… keep it tight and don’t show off all the goodies!
Leave Some Mystery
Is it just me or do you hate when a guy puts their WHOLE life story on their dating profile? Yes, I want to know that you have a job and that you value your family, but I don’t need to know your full resume or that your Grandpa has been your hero since you were 6 because you two went fishing every weekend. Keep it short and sweet, so that the guy has something learn about you on that first message or phone call.
Use Honest Keywords
I like to use “keywords” that men will pick up on in the profile that they can ask me about later when start chatting. For example, I LOVE college football and my Ohio State Buckeyes, so I make sure to mention that. I’m telling you, probably 6 out of 10 men who message me, mention OSU football or a star player from the team. It’s just a cool way to break the ice and start a conversation. Now I have to make this known… if you’re not into something like football, DO NOT PUT IT IN YOUR PROFILE!!!!! Be honest when you’re putting in a keyword. Another great example of this if you’re not the world’s best cook, but you’re interested in learning how to cook, throw that in with “I’m looking for a partner in crime who will enjoy taking a cooking class on the weekend to brush up on our skills.” Boom! That gives him a little nibble that you like to get out and do fun things like a cooking class, but you’re also admitting that you’re not the next Julia Child.
As a woman, there are all types of men on these sites & apps and you don’t always know their intentions. Of course, adding your location is important, but keep it general. Putting information on there like your zip code, phone number, or even name of the company you work for can lead to some not-so-great results. I live fairly close to work (within 10 miles), so I put that as my location when asked on a site or app. Also, I try to remove the name of the company I work for and put my occupation. Once, I had a man see my profile on an app, realized that he worked near my job and figured out my schedule and routine each day by watching me enter & leave the building. Well when he found the courage to approach me, he said “I see you coming in and out of that building everyday” and “I saw you on OkCupid and I thought that was you, so I figured I would just come talk to you instead of messaging you.” Talk about creepy and scary! At that point, I reached out to security at my job and the building I worked at and was escorted daily to and from my car because I was so scared! You have to make your safety a major priority with online dating, so be sure to keep your personal information to a minimum on your profile!
Be Open to all Possibilities
I am learning this more and more while I’m on this
interesting fun journey of online dating that you have to be open! Here’s an honest moment for me… I am notorious for limiting my options when setting up my preferences. I only want men between 30-35 who are over 6 foot with a graduate degree, live on the west side and have at least $100k career. That statement just cut out a TON of potential prospects for me. When you make strict limits on your profile, you really hurt your chances of finding a good guy. The best tip I can give to you is really brainstorm the things that are important for you in a match and come up with your deal breakers. For me, I want someone who is tall because I’m a tall gal, so that’s a deal breaker for me. Another one is that ideally, I want someone who lives close to me, but I’d rather find a good man who lives in my city, so a 20- 30 minute drive won’t kill me if he’s wonderful and fits the other qualities I’m looking for. When you’re making your list of deal breakers, don’t go too extreme and have a crazy long list; keep it to 10 or less that really are make or break for you in a relationship. The biggest thing I want to stress is for you to write down your deal breakers!! By writing them down, you have a tangible list that you can go back to when you are in a relationship. There are so many women, I’m included, who brush things to the side because their comfortable in a relationship or they’re too blinded by love. Seeing that list later when things pop up that you question will remind you of what you really want in a relationship. And sometimes your list will make you realize that a specific deal breaker really isn’t as big of a deal as you originally thought (like the man has a child from a previous relationship for example).
I hope that this list will help you make your profile that much better or at least make you review what you already have up on a site. The point of online dating is to have fun and find the love of your life, so don’t get too crazy when it comes to online dating. Take a step back, go with the flow, and be open because you never know who will message you and be a genuine man who will adore you until the end of time. If you have a good dating tip, share it below… you know I love a good tip! Good luck to my Curvy Girls who are looking for love!